219. How to find and build better friendships (with Laura Tremaine)

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I have really been looking forward to this topic and to having this guest on the show for weeks because a question that I frequently get asked on social media is regarding friendship and how I go about making friends.

What do you do if you’re dealing with feeling like no one ever invites you to do anything and you are lonely? My guest today, Laura Tremaine is the perfect person to help me tackle this topic because she has written a whole book about it titled The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs!

Laura joins me today to discuss friendship and community especially when it comes to women. She discusses how women struggle to make and then keep friends as adults and how the pandemic made the struggle even worse for some people, and then she recommends that we think of friends as a life council (hence the title of her book) of different types of people who each bring different strengths to our lives.

We also talk about how unrealistic expectations of others and of friendships can be harmful because they can lead to disappointment. I love how she encourages us in practical ways to look around and see the gifts in people already in our lives. It’s so easy to miss that and to take those already in our lives for granted.

Laura also shares personally about recognizing her own weaknesses (not prioritizing returning texts promptly enough and more) and how she worked on being more intentional in these areas in order to show her friends love in ways that would be meaningful to them. She also leaves listeners with some helpful advice, encouraging lonely women to not give up, to keep trying with new friends but to get rid of the narrative that they tell themselves that they are unlikable. She challenges us to let go of holding too tightly to our idea of a perfect friendship to make space for appreciating the people already in our lives and being in a healthy space to allow new friendships to bloom.

Laura helps us understand how to reframe friendships and think of them from a brand-new perspective. Many of the things she shared in this episode are things I’ve thought about time and time again since we recorded this.

In This Episode

[00:35] – Please welcome Laura Tremaine to the show today!

[02:08] – Laura and I have known each other for years through blogging

[03:35] – How blogging anchored Laura and gave her a voice.

[04:32] – Why did Laura write her book?

[06:50] – Laura shares why she thinks women struggle with friendships.

[09:15] – I share how I relate to Laura’s struggle with maintaining friendships.

[12:15] – The meaning behind the title of her book.

[16:21] – I talk about some broken relationships in my life.

[17:22] – How does Laura ensure that she’s bringing her best self into relationships?

[23:12] – Hear about how Laura wanted to be sure that her feelings matched her actions.

[28:26] – Laura argues that pop culture doesn’t always portray friendship accurately.

[30:46] – What about those who feel lonely and want community but feel tired of trying and reaching out?