334: Don’t Burn Your House Down with Lindsay Maestas

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I sort of selfishly recorded this week’s episode for me, but I know I’m not the only one who needs this conversation. Several years ago, Lindsay Maestas challenged me to see Jesse not as another task on my never-ending list but rather as a person again – a moment that stuck with me, and in this season of raising a big family and carrying a lot of weight, I realized how easily my marriage had slipped to the back burner, so for this episode, I invited Lindsay back to talk about what it really looks like to choose your marriage when you’re tired, hurt, and wondering if it’s always going to feel this difficult!

Using her book Don’t Burn Your House Down as the basis of our conversation, Lindsay and I talk about the quiet disappointments that build up such as when a gift feels impersonal or you feel completely unseen and why those moments often point to deeper needs, not deal-breakers. Lindsay shares why love doesn’t “just happen,” how unspoken expectations create distance, and what to do when your spouse hears your requests as criticism or failure. We uncover the anxious–avoidant cycle, the danger of keeping emotional receipts, and why fighting fire with fire only burns the house down even faster.

One of my favorite parts of this episode is honestly when we shift away from heavy conversations and talk about rebuilding friendship. Laughter, play, small acts of service, and even silly moments can soften hearts in ways that words sometimes can’t, and Lindsay explains the power of what she calls “micro attractions” – the tiny daily choices that quietly say, “I see you.” We also talk about why trying to change your spouse almost never works and how real change begins when you look honestly at yourself.

This conversation is for anyone who feels lonely in their marriage, overwhelmed by life, or unsure what to do next. It’s not about pretending things are fine but rather about choosing hope, humility, and connection again, even when it feels easier to quit. I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Lindsay, and, as always, please feel free to reach out! I would love to hear your thoughts!

In This Episode
[0:35] – Join me in welcoming Lindsay Maestas, author of Don’t Burn Your House Down!
[2:34] – Lindsay believes that love and connection in marriage require daily, intentional choices, even during difficult periods.
[4:30] – Despite struggles, couples can find hope, tools, and renewed commitment in marriage.
[7:29] – Lindsay has seen how small daily disappointments reveal deeper needs for care, attention, and consideration.
[9:20] – While you can’t change my spouse, you can choose to love and communicate well.
[11:48] – Lindsay has learned that conflict often stems from unspoken expectations, and clarity requires open explanation.
[14:15] – Our anxious–avoidant patterns trap us, and breaking them requires addressing and naming the cycle.
[17:05] – Lindsay asserts that rebuilding friendship, play, and shared joy often reconnects hearts more than repeated conversations.
[20:16] – I add how, amid daily chaos, couples need to remember to nurture joy and play in their marriage.
[21:14] – Hear how fighting fire with fire fuels resentment, whereas forgiveness and grace restore connection.
[24:19] – Ultimately, marriage reveals our flaws and calls us to become more like Christ.
[27:14] – Shifting expectations from spouse to God relieves pressure and highlights small acts of love.
[29:02] – Lindsay explains how micro gestures such as noticing, serving, and affirming help build the strongest foundation in marriage.
[32:00] – Lindsay points out how letting go of resentment can lead to relational growth.
[34:00] – Becoming our best selves honors God, strengthens marriage, and revitalizes energy and joy.

Links & Resources
Crystal Paine

Books
Don’t Burn Your House Down: Prioritizing Your Marriage, Your Spouse, and Yourself for a Deeper Connection by Lindsay Maestas

Social Media
Crystal Paine on Instagram (@moneysavingmom)
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