358: Helping Kids Through Grief with Sissy Goff
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I am so thrilled to have frequent guest Sissy Goff back on the show today to talk about how to help kids cope with loss and recover from grief. The last few times I’ve had her in the studio, she has had David Thomas with her, but as much as I love David, it’s really nice to have her all to myself. She draws from her book Helping Kids Through Grief: A Parent’s Guide for Making Sense of Death, Processing Loss, and Finding Hope, Sissy helps me tackle this topic and discusses how grief is one of those things that kids will obviously eventually experience, but that doesn’t make it any easier when we have to help them through it.
Sissy draws from more than thirty years, and she shares why she wanted to create an accessible, practical resource for parents who are trying to help their children process loss via this book. The two of us discuss the different stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance, and why grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. Sissy explains what these stages can look like in children, how siblings may respond very differently to the same loss, and how we can recognize what’s happening beneath their behavior.
We also discuss the importance of giving children room to grieve at their own speed without forcing conversations, while still maintaining the boundaries and routines that help them feel safe. Sissy offers practical guidance on sharing our own emotions without making our children feel responsible for taking care of us, recognizing when they might need additional support, and approaching difficult questions with honesty and age-appropriate answers.
One of my favorite parts of our conversation is Sissy’s encouragement to be our children’s most trusted source of information, especially when they’re facing something frightening or confusing. We talk about how to prepare for difficult conversations, what to do when we don’t have all the answers, and why helping children understand what’s coming next can make such a huge difference!
Perhaps most importantly, we discuss the hope that can emerge even after devastating loss. Grief doesn’t simply disappear, but children can develop a deeper capacity for empathy, resilience, and compassion when they have someone safe and steady walking alongside them. I think this is a conversation every parent needs to hear! Enjoy my conversation with Sissy!
In This Episode
[0:33] – Welcome back to the show, Sissy Goff!
[2:45] – I offer praise for Sissy’s book which helps parents break tragic news and take on their kids’ grief.
[5:09] – Hear how denial protects children from overwhelming grief which unfolds differently for every child and has no fixed timeline.
[7:45] – It’s important to remember that children process grief at their own pace, so parents should remain available without forcing conversations or emotions.
[10:13] – Parents should gently encourage older children to attend funerals for closure but without forcing them to do so.
[12:22] – We talk about how grieving kids need the security of clear boundaries and routines despite intense emotions.
[15:18] – Parents should reassure grieving children that losses are not their fault and explain unpredictable emotions.
[18:37] – I argue that parents should navigate their own grief while supporting their children’s emotions without making them feel responsible for theirs.
[20:47] – Sissy and I talk about how grieving parents should process emotions externally while reassuring children that they are safe and taken care of.
[22:50] – Through grief, children can find hope, redemption, and a deep sense of empathy.
[26:20] – Hear how grief can foster empathy via hardship, while manifesting outwardly as anger in boys and inwardly as anxiety in girls.
[28:52] – Children’s difficult behaviors might reflect underlying grief, requiring empathy, deeper conversations, and sometimes professional support.
[31:06] – It’s important for parents to build trust by sharing age-appropriate truths, using clear language, and letting children guide difficult conversations.
[34:25] – When children ask unexpected, difficult questions, parents should pause, buy time, and rely on foundational truths.
[37:36] – Sissy and I discuss the importance of detailing immediate, practical next steps and using visual calendars.
[40:33] – Sissy points out how post-traumatic growth can come from loss when kids have one safe, steady, supportive adult in their lives.
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