248. Losing & Rebuilding Trust With Your Teens

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Join Jesse and I this week as we discuss the sensitive topic of losing and rebuilding trust with teens after they’ve broken it. Inspired by a question from an Instagram follower, I share insights on the importance of having conversations before resorting to consequences. We highlight the importance of seeking to understand our teens’ perspectives (we don’t have to agree with them, but I think we should make the effort to try to understand) and adjusting consequences based on their willingness to rebuild trust. Explaining the reasons behind trust issues, such as social media incidents or phone privileges, is crucial to demonstrate genuine concern for their well-being.

We also touch on the significance of conversations around privileges vs. rights and and fostering a culture of trust from a young age. We give you some practical tool for how to approach those difficult discussions and encourage you to stop, take a breath, and ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom before you begin. Knee-jerk reactions driven by fear, pride, or selfishness can lead to us building a wedge, being a bit ridiculous in doling out consequences, or just shutting down communication lines with our kids.

We also discuss the two-way street of building and maintaining trust, encouraging parents to invest time, keep promises, and set positive examples. We wrap up by emphasizing the importance of parental introspection, checking our hearts, and seeking guidance from the Lord.

For more encouragement, I highly recommend checking out my free online class: “10 Days to a Happier Mom,” designed to help parents shift from frustration to a place of calmness and peace, ultimately parenting from a foundation of understanding how much you are loved by God and pursuing relationship with your kids instead of seeking to protect your reputation with others.

In This Episode

[0:35] – What do you do when your teens break trust?

[1:35] – We recently dealt with our first broken bone for one of our kids — after 19 years of parenting!

[3:28] – I discuss a painful arm injury from my childhood that heightened my sensitivity to possible fractures in my children.

[12:16] – Am I actually considering becoming a gardener?? Or at least having a container garden??

[13:36] – I have been immersed in a book that has deeply resonated with me – Sara Hagerty’s The Gift of Limitations.

[16:26] – Reflecting on trust challenges with children prompted deep contemplation after a question on Instagram.

[22:32] – Before addressing any anger that I might be feeling toward my child, stop and assess your heart.

[25:18] – Engaging in open conversations with our children about trust builds understanding and fosters growth.

[27:10] – Before implementing consequences, talk with your kids, ask curious questions, and lean in and listen to seek to understand your child’s perspective.

[30:27] – Rebuilding trust is serious; show understanding, sadness, and love, and actively participate in rebuilding efforts mutually.

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