229. Secrets of Sex and Marriage (with Shaunti Feldhahn)

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Prepare to dive into a topic that might make some of you a bit uncomfortable but is incredibly important for the health of your marriage – secrets of sex and marriage.

My friend, Shaunti Feldhahn, is the author of the book Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, and she and I are excited to discuss this because it’s a topic that many couples struggle with but often don’t openly address. We explore the surprises teased in her book title, from understanding what’s normal to the different types of desire, and most importantly, effective communication.

One of the key takeaways from our discussion is that intimacy isn’t just about physical connection; it’s about knowing your spouse in the deepest, most vulnerable way possible. When you can truly understand your partner’s fears, desires, and needs, you can build a stronger emotional and physical connection.

Shanti has also created a workbook, “Unlocking an Intimate Marriage,” to complement the book and guide couples in fostering profound connections beyond just the bedroom, so whether you’re in a thriving marriage or facing challenges, this episode has something valuable to offer, and I encourage you to join us on this journey of discovery and connection!

In This Episode

[0:35] – Today’s episode is with returning guest Shaunti Feldhahn!

[1:57] – Shaunti shares some background information about herself with us.

[2:58] – Frequent sexual intimacy is a vital factor in marriages, impacting overall happiness.

[5:53] – Shaunti’s research included aspects such as anonymous interviews.

[8:01] – Understanding the wide range of normal in intimacy is crucial.

[11:45] – Most couples experience a desire mismatch due to different types of desire, not just differing libido levels.

[13:51] – Understanding two types of desire, initiating and receptive, helps couples effectively work together.

[16:23] – I stress the importance of communication in intimacy.

[17:32] – Shaunti shares how her book helps couples discuss sensitive topics comfortably.

[20:12] – Learn about Shaunti’s workbook!

[22:21] – Open communication about this topic leads to improved overall marital satisfaction.

[24:32] – How does Shaunti define an intimate marriage?

[27:19] – Hopelessness in relationships often stems from miscommunication and misunderstanding.

Links & Resources

Crystal Paine

The Crystal Paine Show – 86. How to Talk to Your Spouse About Money (with Shaunti Feldhahn)


Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference by Shaunti Feldhahn & Dr. Michael Sytsma

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